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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to learn that an online journalist a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team following a short conversation within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|